Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Since I last wrote here, months ago, many things have changed in our life.

For instance, we listed and sold our South Jersey house...and searched for, purchased, and moved into our new (old) Delaware house.

I could not write about any of this while it was happening because I was in a self-induced coma in an attempt to avoid the sheer hell that is selling and buying a house.

I'm not kidding.  At one point during the melee, I was so stressed out that a trip to the ER almost happened.  That's how bad/ridiculous things got.

In case you are not aware, the business of real estate is a full-on joke.  I'm talking about almost every single aspect of it, except the part where you make a really good profit from the sale of your house.  No joke there.

The rest of it, though?  Complete nonsense.  I want to tell so many stories now that it's all over but I'm afraid that in the retelling my PTSD might get triggered again.  I'm only half kidding about that¹.
If I told you about the nitpicking you would not believe me, it got that ridiculous.  Maybe one day I will when I can do so with hyperventilating.  Crack in the sidewalk? A real estate person can turn that into "Driveway in shambles. Life threatening sidewalk condition may cause physical harm or even death to new owners and must be remedied before closing at current owners expense using the most expensive sidewalk repair company within the entire state. Estimate $9500."

There should be a Best Dramatic Performance category at the Oscars solely for real estate professionals.

Lucky for us, we had the best agents for selling and buying who are both blissfully non-ridiculous.  If you are in South Jersey or Delaware (above the canal) and need a good one, drop me a line and I'll give their names.

Conversely, if you are in New Jersey and need the name of the absolute worst real estate agent that ever existed...well, I won't give you that person's name because I wouldn't want a single other person to have to deal with that person, and that applies to even my worst enemies.  Or, enemy.  I think I only have one.  I might be wrong.  Anyway, I wouldn't even wish that person on that person. Or persons, if applicable.

Honestly I don't know why the whole real estate thing is as complicated and crazy expensive as it is. I feel bad for people who have never owned a house and who think it's as simple as saving up a down payment.  Hahahahahahahahhhhaaaaaaaaaaa.  Just wait until they start getting slammed with inspection and closing costs!

Anyway, we now live in a terrific house that we love and the very best, most perfect, absolutely divine thing about it is that it has public utilities!  NO MORE SEPTIC!  NO MORE WELL!

God, how I hated living in a house with septic and well.
Nothing like that annual "hey honey, time to call the septic company and have our poop and pee sucked out of our front yard where it's been sitting for the past year!"  So vile.

Now I don't have to think about those things. I flush the toilet and off everything goes down the mystery pipe that carries all the disgusting far, far away from my house, just as God intended². 
The insanity of the past few months is almost worth that alone.
Almost.



 ¹I really do have PTSD (actually C-PTSD) and have to be careful about revisiting things that cause me stress or I take to my bed and hide for an indefinite amount of time that it takes for the waves of anxiety to stop.

²You think I'm kidding?  How about "Cleanliness is next to Godliness."! 😇