Turns Out You Can't Take The Girl Out Of New Jersey Afterall

Have you ever found yourself in a really nice neighborhood with really nice houses and as you look around you ask yourself sardonically, yes, but are they actually completely happy?

I've been here in lower Delaware for just over two years now and I live in a really nice cul-de-sac neighborhood and I have a house and property that I never imagined I would ever have and if you ride by my house and ask the above question -yes, but are they actually completely happy? - the answer I would give would be a resounding...

Now, my admission of being not thoroughly happy will bring great joy to my detractors and those who otherwise wish me ill will or who may or may not have had a curse cast upon me.  Nothing I can do about that except hope that they find a way to not mess with their karma by wishing bad things for another human.  Also, if anyone knows of a qualified curse-removing gypsy-type I'd appreciate the referral.

However, it seems to me that admitting one's unhappiness would be an excellent first step in turning that around.  

So here we are.

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In the past I have written about not being able to bloom where I am planted.  This has been a theme in my life since I moved away from the New Jersey shore which is one of the only places that has ever felt like home to me.  I was born and raised in Elizabeth, NJ, which is another of the places that still feel like home.  Since then I have lived in many different places but it's those two places that will always be home to me. 

The big common denominator is that the places I've been the happiest are in New Jersey.

New Jersey, land that I love.

I have a level of homesickness for New Jersey that I never anticipated. As a Delaware resident I am a square peg in a round hole.

Delaware has its good points but New Jersey it is not.  Delaware natives in the two lower counties*, most of whom would like it very much if we transplants returned to where we came from anyway, detest when we say that.  (They also, oddly, get really mad if you say you moved here because of the lower property taxes, which are one of the aforementioned good points about Delaware, by the way.) 
I'm not going to turn this into a list of what Delaware lacks vs. New Jersey but I will say that if you come from a place (cough cough New Jersey cough) where culture and variety and vibrance and activities play a big role, then maybe don't move to lower Delaware.  If you are longing for a quiet country life, don't care if there's nothing to do after 7pm, love the idea of lower property tax and no sales tax, then pack up and move to Delaware.  Just know that some of the natives down here won't be very happy about your arrival.  Do not expect the Welcome Wagon to roll down the street and stop at your door.
Maybe you'll get lucky - I've heard of a few people who have moved into warm and inviting neighborhoods, but that has not been my experience or that of countless others.

***

But back to my unhappiness...

Put simply, I have not been able to adapt to life in Lower Slower Delaware.  God knows I've tried but who I am and what I like and what fulfills me is deeply ingrained and life here does not check off those boxes.  I cannot get used to a life of nothing to do and no places to go.  I grew up in a city directly across the river from New York City and I spent a significant portion of my life in Greenwich Village NYC with all of its chaos and late night restaurants and shops and foods and vibrancy and palpable life heartbeat. The same goes for years of living at the NJ Shore. 
Our favorite restaurant here in Delaware closes at 8pm - it's in Lewes which is one of the big tourist places in this state. 
8pm. 
And that one restaurant is not an anomaly.  

Another place we like, close by, waterfront location, closes at 8:30.  I am used to going out for dinner at 8pm and not finishing until 10pm or after.  We can't go out to eat during the week because by the time JP gets home from work we'd never make it to the restaurants in time.

I want to go for walks in downtown areas like you can do is countless NJ places but can't do in Delaware because there are only just a few and they're all in the overcrowded Rehoboth/Lewes/etc area or one or two upstate.
I want to shop in places that aren't Walmart or Ollie's Discount Store or aren't in a high crime area or an outlet mall.  Why are there so few historic areas in Delaware?  It's the First State so it's been around longer than all the others and should be bursting with historic hotspots. 

I'm stagnant here.  I rarely leave the house because there's no reason to as there are no places to go anyway (Walmart does not count as a 'place to go').  My local park is almost always deserted, void of people.  
Never in a million years did I think I would be someone who didn't leave the house.

Since moving here my mental and physical health have declined kind of significantly.  

In the past, we'd try out a house/location and then decide at the two year mark if we wanted to stay or not, mostly not.  Off we'd go to a new real estate adventure.  So when the two year mark on this house came up not too long ago, JP said 'you're not happy, I think we should go' but, surprisingly, it was me who hesitated.
The truth is, I can't imagine selling this house because it's amazing and we've customized, personalized and updated it so perfetly.  And therein lies the conundrum.

I do not believe for one minute that anyone should sacrifice their health and happiness for a house.
But we're not getting any younger and this house is right for us in a lot of ways as retirement for JP looms if he ever decides to stop working which is highly unlikely - story for another time.

And Sherb, my daughter, is in New Jersey.  For the first time we don't live near each other and it has been hell, frankly.  Especially because she and her fiance have been going through some life-altering trials and tribulations and need all the support they can get.

What to do, what to do?

Well, Option #1 would be to sell the house and move back to Jersey.  We went round and round on this idea for a long time but there were very valid reasons for not doing it (cheap mortgage, low taxes). But the It's Boring As All Hell Here thing was still there.  The I'm Constantly Sick and In Pain thing was still there.

Yet we could not commit to selling and moving back despite how much I desperately am missing NJ.

Then we came up with an Option#2.  Rent a place in NJ for a year as a getaway.  This would accomplish alleviating a significant amount of boredom, put us close to Sherb, give us a one-year "time out", allowing us to not make a rash decision about whether to stay in Delaware or not.

So that's what we're doing.  It's a done deal and we'll be setting up our getaway apartment, our pied-â-terre, in the beginning of July.  It's just across the river from Philly and so perfectly located to allow us to travel around to all of the places we're used to and missing so desperately.  Most people live in the city or suburbs and have second homes in the tourist areas; we're doing the opposite...and I can't wait.

 

*In New Castle County, at the top of Delaware, they don't really care where you're from because it's practically New Jersey there anyway. I lived there for awhile so I have a good basis for comparison between upper and lower Delaware.