Yesterday I spent a lot of time here š
I sat on a shady bench with Luna, chatted with a bunch of people like the lady with a bicycle who took a strong liking to Luna and vice versa; and the caregiver who was walking with the old woman with the walker.
I watched tugboats (I ♥ tugboats) and pleasure boats come and go; giant freighters pass by. It was a calm day so sometimes I could hear voices carrying over the water from people on the docks opposite from where I was sitting.
As if all of this wasn't wonderful enough, I got to watch planes arrive and depart from Philadelphia International Airport (PHL) while tracking them on the FlightRadar24 app which told where they were going or coming from - a thrill I can't explain to anyone who isn't a dreamer or someone with wanderlust or someone with an overactive imagination.
I watched tugboats (I ♥ tugboats) and pleasure boats come and go; giant freighters pass by. It was a calm day so sometimes I could hear voices carrying over the water from people on the docks opposite from where I was sitting.
As if all of this wasn't wonderful enough, I got to watch planes arrive and depart from Philadelphia International Airport (PHL) while tracking them on the FlightRadar24 app which told where they were going or coming from - a thrill I can't explain to anyone who isn't a dreamer or someone with wanderlust or someone with an overactive imagination.
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| Budapest! |
My late father had a severe case of wanderlust and airplane love and we went on many, many related adventures when I was little. I'll write more about that one day. He would have loved my yesterday.
After the park, I picked up lunch and returned to our little apartment.
I keep meaning to make a video about how and why we now have an apartment in New Jersey and a house in Delaware but I'll give you the Cliffs Notes version here: even though we have an amazing house in Delaware - a dream house, really - I was rapidly declining mentally and physically after 2.5 years of being there.
Turns out that you can have the best house with the best stuff and still hate where you live because, in short, there is no soul there. Because it's quite possibly the most boring place on earth. Because my daughter is in NJ and we can't have too much distance between us. Because New Jersey is unlike any other place and it gets into your blood and no other place will ever be as good. If you are a born and bred New Jerseyan like I am, you'll get that.
You can take the girl out of New Jersey but you can never take the New Jersey out of the girl.
I had to go back.
It's another of the things that I'll write more about one day or I'll finally make that video I've been procrastinating.
So we rented an apartment so I could be back in my beloved New Jersey and get grounded and normal and reset my nervous system. It was really bad in Delaware.
The idea was that I would sort of split my time between the two places until we decided what our next literal move would be - more than likely that would mean selling the DE house and buying a NJ house.
The problem, though, is that the more time I spend at the little apartment, the happier I get, and the more I don't want to go back to Delaware...even for a few days.
Turns out that you can have the best house with the best stuff and still hate where you live because, in short, there is no soul there. Because it's quite possibly the most boring place on earth. Because my daughter is in NJ and we can't have too much distance between us. Because New Jersey is unlike any other place and it gets into your blood and no other place will ever be as good. If you are a born and bred New Jerseyan like I am, you'll get that.
You can take the girl out of New Jersey but you can never take the New Jersey out of the girl.
I had to go back.
It's another of the things that I'll write more about one day or I'll finally make that video I've been procrastinating.
So we rented an apartment so I could be back in my beloved New Jersey and get grounded and normal and reset my nervous system. It was really bad in Delaware.
The idea was that I would sort of split my time between the two places until we decided what our next literal move would be - more than likely that would mean selling the DE house and buying a NJ house.
The problem, though, is that the more time I spend at the little apartment, the happier I get, and the more I don't want to go back to Delaware...even for a few days.
I have a three-bedroom lushly landscaped house with a large family room (all of which are filled with antiques), a deck with beautiful patio furniture, my own office, a she-shed, on a quiet cul-de-sac...
and I'm far more happy in a little one-bedroom apartment.
When I met JP I lived in a two-bedroom apartment that I adored and I told him emphatically that I did not want to buy a house when he was pushing for one after we'd been together for awhile.
I loved the freedom of apartment life - the low responsibility life, the carefree lifestyle, the ability to easily move when the lease was up if I were unhappy there.
I wound up giving in to his house wish and we've had several houses since and every single one of them has felt like this:
When I met JP I lived in a two-bedroom apartment that I adored and I told him emphatically that I did not want to buy a house when he was pushing for one after we'd been together for awhile.
I loved the freedom of apartment life - the low responsibility life, the carefree lifestyle, the ability to easily move when the lease was up if I were unhappy there.
I wound up giving in to his house wish and we've had several houses since and every single one of them has felt like this:
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A constant monkey on my back.
Like I am heavy with responsibility and worries and unexpected expenses.
Don't get me wrong, I was proud to be a homeowner but I was always always aware of the burden of it.
I was/am the weirdo who thinks outside the norm that maybe homeownership is sort of overrated. At least for some of us.
For context I should add that it's just me and JP down there in Delaware. No friends, no family who visit (stay tuned for those stories). What are we doing down there in Delaware with a big house and property?? So much maintenance. Last year we paid more than $1,000 just to have someone remove leaves.
It's all just too much.
I was/am the weirdo who thinks outside the norm that maybe homeownership is sort of overrated. At least for some of us.
For context I should add that it's just me and JP down there in Delaware. No friends, no family who visit (stay tuned for those stories). What are we doing down there in Delaware with a big house and property?? So much maintenance. Last year we paid more than $1,000 just to have someone remove leaves.
It's all just too much.
The plan was that I was going back to Delaware tonight for a few days and now I don't want to.
I woke up this morning with much less of the physical pain I live with every day and I know it's because here in the apartment, I feel lighter and much happier. I'm actually feeling trepidatious about going "home" to Delaware even though 3/4 of my stuff is there.
I woke up this morning with much less of the physical pain I live with every day and I know it's because here in the apartment, I feel lighter and much happier. I'm actually feeling trepidatious about going "home" to Delaware even though 3/4 of my stuff is there.
I think I'll put it off for one more day so my time there is lesser and I can come back to NJ sooner - to this little apartment - my literal happy place.
Turns out, stuff might not really equal happiness after all.
Turns out, stuff might not really equal happiness after all.
P.S. Since being at the apartment, I'm actually writing again.
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