Messages From The Universe

This quote has been popping up at me everywhere lately.

Clearly, it's the Universe sending me a message.

Writing hard and clear about what hurts has been on my mind for...oh, I don't know, maybe 30 or so years?  

Did I mention my tendency to procrastinate?  World class.

So it might finally be time to actually start. Today.

But probably tomorrow.

If you are someone who has been nice to me at some point in my life, I will remember to thank you in the Acknowledgements section of my book(s) when I finally write them.

If you are not someone who has been nice to me at some point in my life, I will not be thanking you in the Acknowledgements section of my book(s)...but I do otherwise thank you for all the material you've given me to write about.

Heart > Mind

If you have read any of my previous posts, you will know how much social media gets under my skin but, oh my goodness, it is a treasure trove for ideas of stuff to write about!  It's the gift that keeps on giving.

Today, someone on Instagram posted a lament about how frustrated she felt that posts about her upcoming wedding garnered tons of attention (i.e. likes) whereas her posts about her business or creative accomplishments didn't get as much attention as she would like, or felt she...deserved.

She went into a big thing about how she noticed that posts about engagements, baby showers, birth announcements, etc. on social media resulted in the same thing.  It made her feel uneasy.

She suggested that maybe we should throw business showers instead of  baby showers for each other.

Of course, 153,296,702 women agreed with her. (That number might be a slight exaggeration.)

Use Words Not The Like Button

If you read the 'About' page on my photo art website Land O' Make Believe , somewhere in there it says: I needed to find a way to make people see and feel again...to make them slow down, to pause for just a minute. 

That sentence or something similar is also in multiple newspaper articles about me.

For awhile, it worked.
My artwork did make people slow down and really see what they were looking at.  I knew this because they told me so. I would receive messages about how some people would linger on an image of mine and let it sink in, feel it.  Or how it brought up a beloved memory.  That sort of thing.

I treasure those interactions like you would not believe.  My husband will tell you that I get more excited about that kind of thing than I do when I make a sale (but sales are really nice so please feel free to go buy something of mine right now!). 

But getting people to slow down and see is not working anymore and the reason I know that is because of LIKES.

Every single time I talk about LIKES I am always compelled to add a disclaimer along the likes of "of course I always appreciate receiving likes" because right after that there is a big old BUT.

I appreciate receiving likes BUT they make me crazy.
I appreciate receiving likes BUT sometimes I don't.
I appreciate receiving likes BUT I wish there was no such thing as the like button.

I'm so frustrated by the epidemic of 'liking' that I am in serious reconsideration of how I do things so that I can not rely so heavily on social media.  Oh I know there are 700 bazillion businesses and people who are A-OK with getting likes but, you know, it just ain't me.  The like button makes me feel hollow.  That's the truth.

A week or so ago on Instagram someone posted a beautiful poignant photograph. She had captured a real moment between two people with her camera - it took my breath away. 
I noticed she had a couple dozen likes for it but no comments.  So I left one.  I told her how it made me feel, that it was the best thing I'd seen on the internet in days. I wanted to show my appreciation with words and I wanted to make her feel good. She never responded to my comment which maybe is her style but I could never in a million years not respond to the kind of comment I left for her.

When was the last time you showed your appreciation with words instead of or in addition to the nanosecond like click?  Why not NOT click the like button and instead leave a comment?
How many times did you mindlessly click the like button as you scrolled scrolled scrolled or swiped swiped swiped?  At the end of the day do you remember what you really saw that day?
I mean, really saw. 

We're too wrapped up in this like thing.  I almost never use the like button because it's so awkward to me + well, I kinda really just hate it.  Sorry.  Still just being truthful.

We're so inundated by images.  I don't think our brains can handle it.  We're rapidly losing our attention spans and that is really, really bad. That's one of the big reasons I have to come up with ways to do things differently instead of posting on social media.  If I sent you an email with my latest art you couldn't click a like button, but you could potentially look at for longer than a second or two because you wouldn't be under the spell of social media. The trance of scrolling and swiping.

Can you imagine walking through a museum really fast saying "like...like...like..." as you walked past amazing artwork?  Hopefully you wouldn't do that.  But you are doing exactly that on the internet.  It's not good.  I think we all should be horrified that we're no longer in awe of...much.  When was the last time you saw something that made you talk about it at the dinner table? 

The following link is to an article that nailed this topic better than I ever could.  I urge you to read it.  Here's a sample from it:

The Like has become the currency of carelessness — a way to show we approve without being deeply invested. In many cases, it covers for a lack of attention. It helps fake news propagate, discourages meaningful conversations, encourages shallowness, and exacerbates the most psychologically damaging effects of social media. 

Yikes, right? 
Here's the link:  Why Facebook and Instagram Should Kill The Like Button

I hope you slow down today and really see some stuff and show your appreciation for it with words.

Resettling

I'm spending the morning looking a ton of different locations to resettle and open my eventual shop.
We're pretty certain it's going to be in the SW Virginia area as it seems to be most suitable for what we are looking for.


What ARE we looking for?


Well, the biggest thing is community.

See, I'm not profit-driven.

I know. That sounds crazy. Who ever says they want to open a business and not worry about profit?

Me? 

I find that I shy away from popular places. I want to live and work in a place where it's quiet and friendly and people know you. I want to be off the beaten path. I want to be somewhere that feels like I belong there.

I used to not be that way. Hard to believe but I used to hang out in New York City on a very regular basis, mostly Greenwich Village.

Haven't been there in years and not really all that interested in it anymore.

I don't care for trendy and I really don't care for overspending on stuff.

The best cup of coffee I've ever had did not cost $8.

I want people to come to my shop not just to shop.

My shop will have comfortable places where you can just sit and visit or read or whatever.
Except for computers and cell phones. I'd like it if you could leave those things at home.

My shop will probably not have free wi-fi. haha

January, So Far

January is not a good month for me.
No, it isn't because it's the middle of winter; I actually like that part. Winter is cozy and cloudy and you can breathe when you go outside and you can go places and they're not crowded - what's not to like about those things?

The reason I don't like January is because it was in this month ten years ago that I became very, very sick and fought for my life for 10 days in CICU.  Pneumonia, lungs collapsed (pneumothorax). I still can't write all the details because...well...

this:

At the point that this went down, I was already someone with a good deal of trauma in my life which had manifested in PTSD that was, for the most part, manageable. Then this thing happened and while I was ecstatic and grateful to the millionth power that I'd come through it, the episode and all it entailed (no details but you can imagine) manifested in - you guessed it - a more defined and cemented PTSD. Yay.

Long story short, January itself is a trigger. Double yay.

I have to keep really, really busy during this month and avoid being idle at all costs.
Idle = overthinking and overthinking =



Also, humor. I couldn't survive any of all this without it.

There are good things that come from bad things sometimes, though, and one of the good things that came from this event ten years ago is that I quit smoking.  Although my illness back then was not caused by smoking, I still would have had to have been a complete moron to keep smoking after a double lung collapse that almost killed me.

So hooray! I have officially reached my 10 year anniversary of not smoking 😄

Thank you, lungs. I'm so sorry I ever abused you.

I've been keeping very busy with all the new creating I've gone back to doing.
I'm making clothes again...and greeting cards...painting...and still doing the photo art.
This has been loooong overdue. 
I can't do just one thing. I've never been able to.  Even when I was an editor I had to be juggling five other things in addition to editing reference books.  I'm happy and excited.
 

I had a meeting with a new doctor today.  Yes, a meeting. Like a meet and greet.  Can you imagine?  We sat and talked, no examination. She didn't even sit behind her desk but instead sat in one of the comfortably upholstered chairs alongside me in front of her desk. I guess that was so it didn't feel doctor/patient-ish.  Our knees were almost touching. She wore regular clothes, nothing doctor-like about her.  She asked if I wanted a cup of coffee from their coffee bar, where there were real mugs, not disposable. I told her about my doctor anxiety and she completely understood which was shocking because I'm used to being dismissed. She does everything differently than the way 99.9% of other doctors do things. She told me how she wants to do things the way it used to be done and I said I remembered well how that was...when doctors answered their own phones and made house calls (she makes house calls!), etc.
She asked - wait for it - if "I was even old enough to remember  all of that".
That sealed the deal. She is now my new doctor! 👍

I read about the latest brouhaha that's got everyone all worked up - this time caused by Gillette and their new commercial. I spent some time reading the comments and watching people lose their minds over this. 
All I have to say is that if you're getting your life advice from a corporation, you might want to rethink that.

While I was waiting to meet the doctor today, I was scrolling puppies on my phone.
I'm allergic to dogs but do okay with the breeds that are so-called hypoallergenic.  That's what my Luna is - a hypoallergenic yorkie/poodle mix.
My brain tells me I don't need another dog but my heart tells me otherwise.
I wonder which one will win?

Doomsday Of The Oral Variety

So my mom thinks I should have a bunch of my teeth pulled.

That's her solution to the mouth pain I experienced over the past weekend.

Her reasoning is that I keep having problems with my teeth and teeth problems are hereditary¹ - I seriously can't think of one person in all of my relations who have good teeth - so just cut to the chase and get rid of them.

Out with the old, in with the fake.  No more mouth pain, problem solved. Why fight the inevitable?

Because no one I am related to has good teeth or even has teeth as most are denture wearers, I have been diligent my whole life about my teeth but despite that, genetics is winning the war. I brush a lot, I floss...but still crazy problems arise. Combine genetics² with autoimmune stuff³ and I pretty much have a bunch of ticking white time bombs in my mouth.  Doomsday of the oral variety.

Dentists sometimes disagree.  Their thought is that if you just come to their office once or twice a week for the rest of your life and have ridiculously expensive procedures on a regular basis, you'll be just fine and you will see that genetics or diseases or medications have nothing to do with it, they say.

Maybe just don't pay your rent or mortgage and y'all can have great teeth.
And do your kids really need new clothes or all of that food?  Perhaps a second job to pay for that implant? We have financing!

I went to a terrible dentist¹¹ for awhile last year.  I have severe medical phobia²² (real deal, not just the 'i don't like doctors' kind) so I didn't notice she was as bad as she was despite the eye rolls of her staff every time she left the room. With medical phobia all you can do is concentrate with all you've got on not having a massive panic attack and running out the door so you miss a lot. During one visit, I was in the chair and she was working away on something in my mouth. The dental assistant asked me a question and I answered it and the bad dentist lady freaked out and yelled at both of us.  Apparently I wasn't supposed to talk while she was working except she never actually told me or the assistant that even after the assistant asked me the question.
Have you ever had a dentist yell at you?
Have you ever had a dentist yell at you as someone with severe medical phobia (that she knew about)?
She also told me in front of other patients to not wait too long to schedule an appointment for another problem tooth "because it's your M.O. to wait too long".   She really said M.O.
In front of other people.
Then there was the time she was working in my mouth and asked me if I took aspirin.
I answered that I sometimes take Tylenol. She said "Tylenol is not aspirin. I said aspirin."
Then she told me the reason she asked is because she "can't stop the bleeding"...which is a terrific thing to say to someone who has medical phobia.  It took the better part of six hours to come down from the adrenaline spike that anxiety attack caused.
After the 'cant stop the bleeding' incident, I stopped going to her.  Not long after that I heard she no longer worked there and had moved to Florida.  I only hope she is selling homemade puka shell necklaces on the beach there instead of being a dentist because that would be more suitable to her qualifications, in my opinion.

Moral of this story:  don't put up with bad care ever + don't pull out your teeth if you can help/afford it.  But if you can't help/afford it, that's okay too.
Don't let anyone make you feel bad about you...including you.


Further Reading:
¹ Genes May Be Linked To Oral Health Problems
² How Your Genetics Are Affecting Your Teeth
³ Autoimmune Diseases Effects On Oral Health
¹¹How To Deal With An Arrogant Doctor
²²How To Overcome Extreme Fear Of Doctors

Connection In The New Year, Embracing 'Before'

Today is the last day of this year.

I'm not a big fan of New Year's Eve and its shenanigans so tonight will be quiet, just as I like it best.  In our household there will be a couple of glasses of wine early in the evening, and I think we might have fondue because dipping things in cheese is not a bad way to spend any night.  JP will try to stay awake but will ultimately go to bed by 11pm and I'll fall asleep on the couch around the same time but I always wake up minutes before midnight, in time to watch the ball fall in Times Square.
Then I'll take Luna (dog) outside and we'll wrap up in a blanket and listen to the sounds of the New Year. I don't know why I always do that but I do it every year. That strange New Year's melancholy will hit me and I'll think about the past year and the coming one. I'll hear fireworks in the distance and some woo-hoo's shouted out by nearby revelers. But mostly I'll hear silence...night noise.  It's that new year quiet that I like the best.

I am also not a big fan of New Year's resolutions although I do like the concept of a fresh new slate from which to start new things.  I've noticed that my usual contempt for social media has been steadily building even stronger for ever quite a while and I've decided that now is the perfect time to spend less time on it following people who have not tried to be a real part of my real life despite my attempts and invitations. I'll still follow the myriad of internet people who inspire me on a regular basis and I actually really enjoy following small businesses, so that's going to be my new thing.  I'm excited for this.

I have too many stories about people I know well - relations and long-time friendships - that have been reduced to semi-annual text messages and/or the nanosecond click of the like button.
It leaves me empty and sad.

I'm staunchly old fashioned. I like many, many things before¹.  Before what?  Before cell phones and text messages. Before social media. Before the god-awful selfie fanaticism/narcissism. Before relationships became technologically driven and reliant. Before the world went crazy.  I won't elaborate beyond that; you get the idea.



I'm going into this new year not longing anymore for real connection with people who'd rather click a like or send button instead of hearing the inflection in each others' voices or good conversation over coffee or wine or coming together at the dining room table and sharing food and laughter.  Are we all really so busy that taking a drive to meet someone who likes/loves/cares about you is too much trouble?  Are you really okay with pretending it's fulfilling to find something funny to post somewhere so you can feel happy when some people who otherwise don't bother with you 'like' it?
I can't and won't even try to wrap myself around that anymore and I don't want to settle for it anymore.

I believe in not accepting mediocrity but I'm going to amp that up for 2019.
I deserve quality relationships...and so do you.

I'm going into this new year nourishing my real relationships and cultivating new ones with like-minded people.  People who have time for me. REAL time.

I'm putting my own spin on things in 2019:  Out with the new (ways), in with the old (ways).

Here's to a deeper, more authentic and genuine new year.

I'll be over here being happily old-fashioned.

A Blessing of Honest Days

Take a moment to be real then settle

into the absence of any existing restraints.

No commitment to meet anyone,

no urgency to be somewhere.

The arrival of a fresh year is gracefully nearing

and it is not asking for any resolution,

nor begging for you to do better.

It simply wants to invite you into its presence

and make of it what you will.

No need to worry, no cause to fret.

No requirements to fill or conditions to be met.

No more strict promises or guilt.

No needless pressure, no sweat.

Try a new approach to a different year:

Let time be an encouraging mother

and her daughters a blessing of honest days.

 

Words by: Susan Frybort

Further Reading:

Three Things We Can Learn From People Who Don't Use SmartPhones Or Social Media

More Being Social, Less Social Media


¹It is perfectly okay if you don't agree with me.  We were not put on this earth to agree with every single person (which is a really good example of the way people used to think before).

362 Days 'Til Christmas

I haven't posted since November 23rd.

I was pretty surprised to see that but then I realized it made sense considering how angst-y I get during holidays.  The holiday season really is a miserable time for me.  I actually had started to make a video about why I can't deal with holidays...but even that overwhelmed me - like everything else does during December so the video is sitting in fragments on one of my computers, incomplete.

Now that Christmas is behind us (phew!), I can think and write about it with freaking out. So the Cliffs Notes version of the causes of my holiday aversion are as follows:

1. Anosmia.  Ever since I lost my sense of smell 10 years ago, nothing has been the same.
Not being able to smell is like I am cut off from the real world; like my world is black & white and everyone else's is in color. Not being able to smell robs you of the ability to recall memory or create new memories based on smell.  I can't smell holidays anymore and everywhere I look are the reminders of what is now out of reach for me. It's very painful.  Maybe one day I'll put something together about the real effects of losing the sense of smell.  A lot of people think it's not a big deal and they always say that's the one they'd choose if they had to lose a sense. But losing the ability to smell is a profound loss on so many complex levels; the tremendous loss is one that can't even be imagined unless you've experienced it.  Trust me.

2. Family.  The holidays bring families together, right?  That's the big message but not the case in our "family"¹.  Nothing can do that.  Holidays are a constant reminder of that sad fact.

November Video Update...

New Stuff November 2018 from Poor Girl Mercantile on Vimeo.

TOO LEGIT TO QUIT

Our official business license came in the mail yesterday.

We are legit!

There are a million plans happening - some for the immediate future and others for down the road some.

(And wouldn't you know all of this is happening right when I am in some of the worst pain I've ever dealt with + needing to create a bunch of new Land O' Make Believe art in time for the holiday season in Berlin (Maryland)?  When it rains, it pours, right?  But aside from the pain part, we will take every single drop this thrilling new endeavor drops on our crazy heads.)

JP is doing all the business end of things and I'm doing all the creative stuff and then we come together - usually with wine - to discuss and plan and argue and laugh.

Poor Girl Mercantile will initially be online.
We want to take our time and build things - literally and figuratively - before we take the brick and mortar step.
Yes, there will be an actual store!  The where and when of that is a bit of a mystery right now but in the meantime we are having too much fun with all of it.

Here's what I already know:
The stuff I sell at Poor Girl Mercantile will be priced so that near everyone can afford it.
Last week we were in a shop that sold throw blankets for $350.  Nothing all that special about them except that the shop was in a high fallutin' neighborhood and the people there could likely afford to throw their money away on $350 blankets.

Poor Girl Mercantile will never charge ridiculous prices.
I've never done that with my artwork - and I could have - but never did, never will.
Being able to attain a thing that makes your heart happy should not be only for those in a certain socio-economic circumstance.

The worst thing in the whole wide world is being on the outside looking in, wishing.

So once again, the website will need a complete overhaul.
And a new online shop will need to be developed.
Poor Girl Mercantile will be all about the handmade - probably about 75% of our stuff.
It will feature my own artwork, my signs, my textile-based handicrafts...BUT it will also feature the work of other creative people and we'll be on the hunt for those that create quality, beautiful, affordable handmade items and who agree wholeheartedly with our philosophy.
If you're one of them or know someone who is, please have them contact me via email at poorgirlmercantile@gmail.com.  There will eventually be a section on the website with more information but for now you can just email me and I'll give you the basics.

I have never in my entire life done a single thing in an orthodox fashion and that will not change with Poor Girl Mercantile...aside from attaining the business license, that is.  We do abide by the law!
Above and beyond that we'll be flying by the seat of our pants, making stuff up along the way, and doing what I have always done that has brought me a lifetime of adventure:  throwing it at the wall and seeing what sticks.

Here we go...

"LOST IN REVERIE" - newest artwork

LOST IN REVERIE

“The earth was overwhelmed with beauty and indifferent to it, 

and I went with a heart ready to crack for its unbearable loveliness.” 

― Josephine Winslow Johnson

ALL SOULS DAY

This is a painting called All Souls Day by Jakub Schikaneder.
It was painted in 1888 and currently hangs in the National Gallery in Prague.

Lucky for us, this beautiful painting is in the public domain, which means it's ours for the taking.

I've uploaded it to my DropBox account so that you can download a print-ready copy for free.